Lately when circumstances come up that Ken would previously react highly negatively to we find this conscious movement to reflection.
We are in a rather interesting situation at this point in our journey. Ken is what we basically consider “healthy”, his physical health is excellent, he is able to manage his mental health issues, and change is no longer a massive issue. BUT we are still close enough to the dark and scary that when something comes up… say a frustrating drive… it is still fresh enough in our minds to have us hold a discussion as to the different behaviors and reactions Ken now has to the stimulus.
I don’t know that that will ever truly fade away. I know I have discussed recognition and realization before in my blog entries. (specifically the realization that some things are just never going to go away) I firmly believe that a strong support on this journey is the ability to realize a change, the recognizing of it and the work that it took to complete said change.
We humans are creatures of habit. This makes it quite the accomplishment when something so deeply ingrained in our lives like attitude and quick reactions are altered. And in Ken’s case, significantly.
Holding that dialogue – do you remember how you used to react? Do you have to think about it, pull yourself back? Is it instant now or nearly instant? How does it make you feel when you see your new behavior in action?
Bringing up those negative reactions/thoughts/feelings/processes, at this point in our journey, serves as a reminder of how far we have come. It is a momentary stopping point to take the time and positively discuss something that once was a significant point of contention and hurt feelings in a new light. This was once our experience, but here we are… in traffic… calm and realizing that anger and misplaced frustration gets us no where but into an argument.
Being active in our bringing these moments to the focus, even just for a moment, means that we are fully acknowledging how far we have come. We are taking that moment to be IN THE MOMENT. Discussion releases any pent up frustrations on my part in regards to a period of time where Ken’s internal self destructive thoughts would come out as anger and frustration at me. Discussion also allows me the opportunity to reinforce that even if the change is slight I see it, I acknowledge it and I am PROUD of him.
