I know I am. Something that has become more and more apparent to me after Ken got sick back in 2009 and as the children have grown. Now while I am mentally aware of this increasingly obvious character trait and how it can be detrimental, emotionally I simply cannot avoid it.

This has worked in my favour, I am a pro at being sure Ken is still on the road to better health now, I have caught little issues with the kids before they become huge, and I am able to manage the busy life of a house with 7 people in it. But… and this is a BIG but… I can be utterly useless at times as well.

When it comes to money worries I… well… worry. Which is less than helpful as I am not the one making the money in this family. A worry will catch me unawares and niggle on into my brain and stay. I find that my first response is the same as my response to good-byes, amazing news and sad movies… to cry. That over and done with I drive Ken MAD with questions and plans and hopes and the little bitty worries connected to the original worries. Following me? And yes this is where we feel bad for Ken. Cuz while I mean well he goes nuts!

This also occurs with issues with the kids; Echo’s weight, Emanuel’s heart murmur before we sorted it out, the twins’ speech or the original lack thereof until they were pushing 3. And while I come up with great plans it tends to weigh heavy.

So I have come up with a personal goal. I want to work on having my cry, making my plan and then trusting on the solution and the work we will pit behind it!! After all, Echo is now gaining weight, Emanuel is far from dying, the twins won’t STOP talking and Ken is working super hard to pay of debts AND balance that with remaining healthy. Sometimes I need to have faith in more than just my religion and relationship with the amazing man I call husband. Worry has it’s place, I just want to enjoy life while I worry like any loving mother does. Now do you think that balance is possible? I would love to hear other’s experiences and opinions on this!! If nothing else so I don’t feel so alone.

Beyond the worries I think we are doing rather well. I am still keeping any shopping to a minimum. No buy date on my Cricut yet. We are finding numerous free activities or activities that utilize the Leisure Pass we have until end of April fir the kids. I have come up with more design ideas for sewing and made gifts for friends and family I am proud to give. Who knows, maybe this time next year we will be amazing in all facets of our lives! Now there is a goal… To do like Dr. Who told Rose (wow how geeky of me) – have a fabulous life. How can you go wrong doing that?

It looks like we have one more bitingly cold day before we see some more kid friendly weather. Our new old van really does NOT like warming up in the winter so we bundled up for our trip to Grandma’s. That is the main reason we stayed the night. Ken did not want to drive home with the kids on one of the coldest nights of the year. It gave the kids more time with their Grandpa Mike anyway.

Ken and I got out without the kids to do some pre gift searching for the boys. I want to spend as little as possible as usual but still get them what I want to get them. It is almost a game, can I do it so far UNDER budget that I have money to contribute back to out debts. So far their beds were nicely under the 200.00 each I had set for myself (we have waited beyond when we should have really to get them their own beds due to all the arguing at bedtime).

This has put me back a bit on the Chinese New Year book the boys were making. I had planned on spending today putting together what we already had done. Ken finished our firecrackers Sunday night (or was it first thing Monday morning?) and I hung up the numbers 0-9 on our Chinese New Year/Valentines wall. Nothing fancy this year, I am hoping from now on we can build our decorations stash.

In the batch of items my mom sent home with us we lucked out with a Grade 1 Reading workbook based on Mr. Dressup (if you are unaware of him you are most likely NOT Canadian! Anyone else remember The Friendly Giant or The Polka Dot Door?). With Zander needing to take some time once he has his glasses (something we are hopefully ordering tomorrow) and has to catch up with his Math comprehension still I think I may hand this book over to Gavin. Or at the very least photocopy and share. Most of the English workbooks we have straddle 2 or 3 years which makes it hard on Gavin who wants to just keep going and gets VERY frustrated when the book goes to a point he simply can’t yet understand.

We have a new toy to try out as well. Mom came across this at work – a Projecta Scope. If it works as it says it should I am sure we can find a multitude of uses. I know the boys would find it fun to trace out something bigger on their own!

I had the kids start their wood/marker craft I bought at Michaels. There are 4 ornaments for them to colour and then glitter glue. I limited them to two each (out today so as to have something more to do later. I do believe Gavin wants to give one to his Godmommy (my friend Christine). He is VERY interested in his Godparents and asks about them and makes them things quite faithfully (that reminds me I have to put together a belated Christmas envelope (etc) for him shortly. I think he recognizes how special it is to have two people who are HIS and not have to share them in the same capacity as he does all the other people in his lives.

We start our frog unit tomorrow. I have a whole selection of links to share and plan on doing that tomorrow. We are doing a single lapbook as a family to cut down on printing and to work on working TOGETHER on things.

So tonight I tidy, work on cleaning up my laptop and hopefully take a break from worrying! Again any suggestions or stories from your own experiences would be TERRIFIC sweet readers!! Hugs to you all.