Another sunny, hot day. Emanuel was up at 6am.. the boys before 7. Because the evenings are so hot still they are cranky and tired way too early. Hopefully tonight I can keep them up until 8pm and maybe get a little more sleep myself. This single parent thing SUCKS and I have had Karyn over both days! In fact yesterday she drove up by 10:30 so we could take the boys to the splash park before it got too hot… I think she had the most fun of all!
Yesterday, looking back, was not THAT bad of a day. The boys had fun at the splash park, lunch was not a huge ordeal… they all napped… but were cranky in the afternoon – it hit 30 cel then. We walked to the lawn in front of that huge seniors home and played for a bit before heading off to Subway for dinner where the boys did not behave overly well and then home for some tv, bath for the big boys and then bed.. which did NOT go well! They miss their daddy so much! I had Ken call and then when the boys were actually in their room talk him, this made Gavin fall apart to the point where I called my mom to talk to him to calm him down. UUGH Tonight is not going to be much better.
I am mad at myself for not pushing that we postpone the trip until we had a REAL plan about this house thing and mad generally that this was added on top of my cranky kids, my own tiredness and stress…as well as some of the things Ken has forgotten to do before he left have impacted us here at home negatively.
You know we are planning on one more baby next year… it takes 9 months to have a baby and Ken has a wage review before then. We are doing really well – all our bills and debts are caight upm when Ken increased his wage we did not increase our lifestyle beyond buying more groceries at times but increased how much we pay each month on our debt. We REALLY are doing much better… and we are focusing on potty training the twins – our biggest kid related expense… BEFORE the next baby comes whichh would make up the money for that child’s diapers and then some… we have a crib, highchair, carseat, bouncy chair, floor toy, all the big ticket items.. we have out grown clothes from Emanuel – if God willing it is a girl – alot of our infant stuff is neutral and we can get girl things on sale. We have college funds for all 3 kids already running that are RESPs so the government puts money in them each year too. We are putting less in Emanuel’s right now per month but will raise that soon. We are living in this small apartment not because we cannot afford a bigger place but because we cannot FIND one! The original plan was to find a rental for a year closer to the city and then try to buy but we are so many waiting lists and it can be up to a YEAR to find a place!!! So it is not like we are taking food and clothing away from the other three to have a fourth. But you know I think Karyn is right – towards the end of Ken’s time at GWAVA things got VERY tight – we were on our way into a very bad situation but this new job is a huge jump up in pay and chances of advanccement… I am so tired of being told I need to be responcible… We are thinking everything through honest!
Last night was at least quieter… the night before the girl downstairs and some guys were drinking and partying a at 15 to 1 made a ruckus and woke up Emanuel! I was furious. I also heard her talking to her little girl then so that means her little 4 or 5 yr old was still up! Ack! She asked when we were on our way out for a walk if the boys could come over for ice cream cake when we got back but we went out for dinner too and then the boys were naughty so I did not go over there. That and I was so not feeling sociable especially since she smokes alot. At Extra Foods I ran into a mom who has 5 kids! all boys! The oldest is 24 and the youngest 7!! Wow! She did not think it odd we would want one more… actually when I really sit down and think about it alot of people are supportive it is just that you get negatives that stick or I worry what the people who are helping us to get a place will think. Though it is not that we cannot afford the mortgage – it is that the banks do not want to give us one on our own and we are lacking the down payment. I really wanted to do it on our own – we appreciate the help but really did not want to have to depend on family.
I think I just really want to have a plan… something to depend on… Ken has now focused on two different places each time before ensuring we can purchase something like that – the first no one stopped to check and see what our mortgage payments would be – ummm way too high! And the second, he did not first check if his folks could even co-sign on that type of home. I want to stop hearing this is what we are buying and start hearing this is what we COULD buy at THIS price and then search within to confines of that. I think that is why Ken is wearing himself out over it, he is searching everything and everywhere without narrowing down what exactly we CAN buy. Oh well.. if we can improve how we do things and better communicate to all involved alot of the stress should be removed from this situation… right?
I took the boys to the dollar store this morning and then on the way home we stopped at 7-11 and got each of them an orange cream slurpee… Emanuel did rather well keeping the straw in the cup until we were almost home so I put it in one of the straw cups for him and stripped him down to his diaper. The twins are pros already with their straws. We probably could have gotten one to share between them as they did not finish but they were so happy to have their OWN cups. Of course I took pictures. Already by 10 it was 23 cel so I was glad to get everyone back and settled watching some tv.
I am feeling much more confident now that I have gotten the boys out and about.. ok so I had a bit of a cry fighting with all 3 to get them changed, dressed, sunscreened and bug sprayed but we got out and had a blast! Now I just need to make it through the evening and most of tomorrow. Then off to my mom’s. I do want to sit down and make a list of priorities though… I want to learn from these past few months and find a way to destress even in our little apartment.