With the coming Lunar based celebration and the progression of time marked in the twins being firmly placed in the teen years I decided to take one of my busiest weeks (did I mention Valentine’s Day?) and re-center myself and place my focus more firmly on doing “me”.

Well, it has been a week and what have I learned?

1. I am a pretty awesome person, and I don’t mean… hey look at me I am so awesome, but more… there is some much potential I can still tap… I have plans and ideas, more hopes and dreams than I really have examined. I don’t know if I inspire awe in others but after a week of letting my mind run unchecked at times and firmly focused on tasks at others I realize I need to be proud of myself.
2. This week I started my journey in yoga. A special thanks to those who suggested Yoga With Adriene on YouTube. Her beginner video has me confident and ready to continue. It has lead me to realize that I can better silence all the activity in my mind. That I can find time for myself even if it has to be me saying “nope time to stop and do this activity” and ignore the busy house around me.
3. I am a success even when I fail because I tried. Sometimes I wonder if I am good enough, strong enough, smart enough. Well, I don’t have answers to those wonders but I did realize this week that I AM enough because I give my all. My family is covered in love and good intentions because when I do these things for them that I have done for years I do them with integrity and intention. Maybe to others I need more of this aspect or the other but I know that in my success and failure I am learning and adapting which means I set an example to my children that is positive and strong. They see that I don’t give up or let it get to me, I adapt. Which is what I ask them to do.
4. I took on a personal challenge… a week of 9 hours per day with 250+ steps per hour. Which sometimes had me hopping around like a lunatic 5 min before the hour when I got caught up in a visit or with crochet (definitely a hobby that leads to a comfortable chair and not a wandering body). But I managed. This showed me that I need to get up and move, because each day by 6pm I felt better. I wandered the house and picked up things I usually would have sent a kid to do or done later. I showed my kids that movement was a positive and that it was okay to break up a moment by moving around. And I celebrated like a silly goose often as I made my steps.
5. The big thing I didn’t so much learn but had reinforced in my mind is that while my life is hectic and sometimes unconventional and occasionally a little isolating it is amazing. I am blessed and challenged at the same time. Sometimes by my own choosing and others by what life has thrown at me. It isn’t a question of changing anything or wishing I could change anything but a full realization that what I am living right now is utterly unique to me and my family. There is no true equal comparison out there to what we are as a family. There is no need for one. The love of my life is amazing, my children a challenging collection of unique humans who amaze me as they drive me mad. And without them I would not be me. Yes I don’t drive, I homeschool my kids, I am shy in public, scared of more than a few things, but I am also loved… I am strong and decisive… I support my family in so many special ways and hopefully am finding ways to do the same for friends and extended family. I love, am loved and will always find ways to share love… which makes me, my life, and those around me… AMAZING.

So as I ignored ways to compare things, my life, my appearance, my school set up, my parenting choices, my home… I freed myself up a bit. Freed myself from some self doubt, from a few fears, from little niggling obsessions I sometimes have trouble letting go of. (And maybe started the road to being a little more “bendy” as Ken would say)

I took a week of introspection and exploration and realized… why should I stop? Maybe a little less care of my appearance to others and a little more joy is what I need… oh and 3 classes a week of R.I.P.P.E.D. and some amazing documentaries with a good crochet project. Always a good crafting project… cuz creativity soothes this soul… as does making knots, origami, felting… I am branching out. So here I am embarking on a month or more of finding me in my life. Wish me luck!!!

The movie for the night was Princess Mononoke. There is a line early on that struck me as… well… amazing. Now keep in mind it is a TRANSLATION, but the main characters (Ashitake) explains his showing up at the Ironworks village as being there “to see with eyes unclouded“… To not be motivated by rage, or hatred, to see what is there and not what is told or shown.Can we come to life from that viewpoint? Can we see other’s choices and motivations without putting our own judgement and standards first? Can you see MY choices and life plan as unique to me and not as a threat to your own or a hindrance?

Every day more and more I am reminded how different we all are. Especially now that I am a total fish out of water in a country with major differences to what, for the entirety of my life previous I considered the norm. I have talked to other parents (both sides of the border) who homeschool differently than I do, parents who wish they could, others who have absolutely no interest in considering the option… Now how does that affect my choices and my life? Well… if I look at it with my eyes unclouded it does nothing but enhance my life.

That mom who never ever planned to homeschool does teach her kids things, she has ideas that are helpful. That mom who totally unschools… she has amazing ideas for discipline or spontaneous education… and that parent who wishes she could does more than she things and is a huge support.

Brave Writer had some amazing advice on her blog (well as usual but still…) about who is in charge of  you, your life and your homeschool (you can read her entire post HERE titled You’re In Charge of You)…

YOUR standards are the boss of you.
Your vision.
Your children.
Your beliefs about education.
Your aspirations for your family.
Your flexibility and your rigidity.
Your weaknesses and your strengths.
Your joys and your personal pains.
Your vision and your limited sight.

This is YOUR homeschool.

YOU ARE THE BOSS OF YOU.

You get to have the homeschool you choose. In fact, you already DO have the homeschool you choose.

Embrace it.
Love it.
Feed it brownies.
Share it confidently.
Live it boldly.

You do you.

Why not? No one else can.

Now, like Princess Mononoke, I think you can extrapolate from this advice from different areas in your life. Ok, so you don’t homeschool… but who is in charge of your heart? I think the answer is the same…

Here in the United States the current debate seems to circulate around same sex marriages… let’s look at that issue from these two quotes’ point of view: When you look at the issue of two people, in love with each other and willing to commit to each other for life, with eyes unclouded of hatred or preconceived notions… what say should I truly have over their proclamation of love? And in return how much should they have over mine? Of course this is a CONTROVERSIAL issue so please keep in mind… your opinion, my opinion… they are our own and should not cause strife.

When I look at my new life here in the States from these two quotes I see that I must simply take control of my life and go forward. That I need to keep what is best from my past and then see the world as it is for the future. Not as “not Canadian”… though I will always have that comparison to deal with. I wonder how our children see the world, as out of anyone… THEY are the ones who see things as they are!

Taa—daaa here we are!