Remind me time and time again that for the most part I really AM a strong person. There is so much imperfection in the world, in our selves. Some of it is wonderful and amazing, like a broken dish put together with gold (a Japanese tradition I do believe) and other things (like the news recently) are broken and horrible and scary and impossibly dark and so much more rolled into one.

I have written extensively in a post about being the “healthy one” in a marriage and family where one member is definitely in the midst of a process that is ongoing and lifelong. There is a need and a drive to ALWAYS be the healthy one. The knowledge that if I DO get sick or somehow incapacitated the family does NOT go along its merry little way intact or even the least bit organized can be a point of anxiety.

Now I do have family and friends (close family in fact) that are actually diagnosed with anxiety and taking medication for this issue. This is not where I place myself on the spectrum of mental illness with any degree of concern, but then again, we ALL experience anxiety at some point in our lives. Years ago, before I had realized (well any of us including Ken) how ill Ken truly was events combined to create a situation where I actually experienced my first ever panic attack. It was scary and upsetting and all sorts of not want to experience EVER AGAIN sort of things… it is something that I can clearly remember, hiding in the upstairs with the kids in the downstairs on the phone with a friend that I could contact instantly in tears. But in that moment of severe weakness and stress I found my way through it. And afterwards I realized that I made it, I survived the experience, I found strength with the help of another and was able to continue on.

On a regular basis I am faced with my own personal weaknesses… one that I am sure most of you are familiar with… my lack of a license. This is a phobic level issue. The idea of driving and being in charge of a vehicle does literally make me want to just curl up in a ball and hide. The twins have already discussed how one day THEY will get their licenses and drive Mom around where ever she needs to go. BUT, I have taken that weakness, that inability and made it into an adventure. Now at least 3 times a week we are making the 2 mile (one way) trek to the local YMCA and we are spending hours there meeting new people, trying new things (Echo has recently fallen in love with Little Lotus Yoga) and creating an independent moment that is HEALTHY and full of together time for us outside of the classroom and the home. The lack of driving is now a strength.

At the end of the day the tally is out there… so many things in my life are beyond my control, but really, if you look at your life can  you really say that the same it not true? It may not be your transportation or your inability to work in the country not of your birth (not that I WANT to, but the ABILITY to would be wonderful… and will be in time) but we all have our weaknesses. The trick is to find a way to find strength right there in the face of them.

I think I will always worry about what would happen if I couldn’t run the house properly for a period of time (because really it is 6 vs 1 on the let’s live a clean and clutter free life some days), and the driving issue isn’t going away any time soon. I am always going to be too short to reach the top shelves and worried about people who I love and care for. BUT, I am always going to be an optimist, I am also going to be in the corner crocheting my heart out so that I have gifts I can pluck out of my finished pile and send to a soul who needs a pick me up. I am going to be me, weaknesses and strengths and I am going to show my children that we don’t always have to be strong, as long as after we fall down we get back up and continue one!

Maybe one of my weaknesses will end up being a strength I just didn’t realize was there? What do you think?

June 21-26

What to do on a sunny Saturday, the first one of SUMMER? Operation Geocache in a new location was less than successful, though we did find a bird’s nest…

A rather anxious turtle they corralled back to the safety of the marshy bits…

And a glider being flown from the parking lot.

You can just see it off in the distance. The guy had two and did some rather impressive maneuvers

After that nature filled adventure it was time to hop into our bathing suits and back into the pool in the front yard.

On Sunday we buzzed the twins’ hair nice and short.

Even with rain the kids got some time in the yard on the scooters.

Monday was a bit of a wash what with Nana and Baba getting home from Mexico and all. But Echo is one determined student and got in her workpage fun.

Additionally we have signed up 4 of the 5 kids (Echo is not fully potty trained so can’t) in the same VBS as Renee and Chris’ kids are in. They go to a daycare that is in a church and that church has a massive 4 day FREE daycare! Quite the amazing church – Living Faith Church HERE. They are there from 9 am to noon with us just dropping them off. It has made for quiet mornings and afternoons of light schooling.

Trinity is working on completing one of her review workbooks. We have given ourselves the summer to get these books done.

Back into the pool…

With a butterfly for company.

I swear the twins can play AND understand Agricola way better than I ever will! Somehow… not that upsetting! But it is neat to see them stretch their reasoning, problem solving and reading skills. In fact, one of the boys’ 10 top Summer To Do items is a boardgame day (probably on one of the extremely common rainy days!).

Miss Echo caught up on her well tanned Baba snuggles. Apparently Mexico was a very relaxing vacation for everyone!

Tuesday once again began just me and my baby… with ICE CREAM on the way home from VBS in celebration of Mommy’s 35th birthday.

And then a continuation of the pattern… into the pool. Splish Splash, this thing has paid for itself in entertainment value already!

Ken took me out for my birthday just us two to a wonderful Japanese place that cooks your food (private chef!) right in front of you! We tried chicken liver and green tea sherbet! the liver was… odd… the sherbet good! The chef was amazing as well, so personable. (Thanks to Shandai for the recommendation) 

Yup I took a pic in the car

Main course of dinner with other bits and bobs

The green tea with green tea sherbet

lovely ambiance

By Wednesday Echo was REALLY missing her siblings… lay around and watch tv sort of missing.

I am so proud of the kids for agreeing to continue with light schooling even after a busy VBS filled morning. Gammie’s mailed worksheets are a HUGE help.

This time I had two more garage sale finds! Gotta stop when you are driving home from wherever and see a sign… right?

Thursday was the final day of VBS and a busy morning. Not only did Ken have to drop the kids but then he had an appointment for Echo. So it was Baba that drove me to pick the kids up in the pandemonium that is a large VBS. We did enjoy watching the neighbourhood bunny in the front yard. Before they left for Echo’s hearing exam. Turns out she is just fine with wax buildup. So baby girl is a bit of a lazy talker with dirty ears that SHOULD have decreased her hearing abilities!

Packed with a snack on the way to her hearing test

It’s always an adventure with these two… there was some sort of a fire somewhere in the hospital so their entire wing got evacuated!! Everything was fine in the end though.

Gavin actually made his first Pokemon trade with a kid from there (name unknown).

And the final craft was rather cool! We gave our information to one of the boys the twins met. His mom had asked if we could do so on Wednesday. Sadly the rush to leave and Ken waiting when he dropped off as long as he could meant we had to give one of our little half business cards we gave as Christmas cards post move for address change had to be handed to the boy himself. So it is a bit of a crap shoot as to whether or not we will ever hear from them. We could not go to the evening program as we had other commitments.

4 days of 9 until noon and I can honestly say… our family is not hard wired for that sort of life. I think we really do enjoy and maybe now appreciate a little more, the flexibility that is homeschooling. BUT the experience of a large VBS has been great and really got us excited about our own church’s much smaller version. That one Echo is enrolled in too as I am helping her age group.

She really was a card this week 🙂

Thursday… hmmm… well another day at Karyn’s and this time having run out of MOST of my supplies. I basically was able to make 3 ribbon bows and that was about it. Karyn had a ribbon drawer for me to pillage which helped a bit. Of course with an unexpected free day and very little supplies at hand I indulged in a very long bath and some quiet time. Echo was rather sweet too and napped willingly and multiple times. 

Enjoying Aunty Karyn's

Karyn came home early and with packing and a viewing on his way to collect Echo and myself we had some spare time. After watching a silly Japanses commercial for KFC on YouTube we had to go out and get some! Then it was time to pack up and ready ourselves for Ken and the rest of the kids. 

We piled into the packed up van and headed out to meet Victoria at work at the library where I went in solo to chat and collect a few books to read. Then it was off to Grandma’s. The kids were even MORE excited when we stopped off at a grocery store to pick up sandwich fixings so they could eat IN THE VAN! 

We got to Grandma’s late enough that there was time to bathe the boys, get in our mountain of stuff and send the kids off to bed. BUT it was so nice to have space… and everyone have doors. The twins share a room, Emanuel another and then we bunk Trinity down in the playroom on a crib mattress on the floor… easy reach for the dollhouse! Echo, of course, shares a room with Ken and myself but there is plenty of room so I was even able to sort out our clothes into tidy organized areas. Of course that showed even more clearly have few options I actually have right now… boo. But mom lent me a few tank tops (I am missing one of mine in the transfer here so far) and an outfit for the internment next weekend. Thank goodness we are close to the same size!!

Gypsy in duplicate!

Friday was a pretty special day. First off, Ken watched Echo while Trinity and Emanuel and I did our first walk with Gypsy. We wandered the neighbourhood even though it was rather chilly (and the boys’ pants are not yet here… but will be after the weekend) and did our best to wear out the puppy.

After that it was time for us to pack the whole family up and head to Staples. We can’t get a PO number until next term after the end of the month so we called ahead before we came here and set it up for a mini shopping spree. It was rather fun to go with all of the kids and pick out some educational bits and bobs that we can use for more than just today or tomorrow. We even picked up a whiteboard! 

Then we went to Superstore for some groceries… pineapple for less than 2.00 and watermelon for less than 4.00! And then back home for lunch and NAPS! In fact, by the end of the day the only person who did NOT have a nap was Zander. Gavin fell asleep later in the day during a time out and the other 3 went to nap really easily at naptime. 

We snuck in some school work too! A page all about Grandma and Grandpa Mike and their home. Lots of reading and answering of questions. Thank goodness I had the iPad with some apps to explain what the difference is between town and province!

Gavin at work

Ken hung around for most of the day but before dinner and mom getting home was packed up and heading out for the LAN party at Kristen and Fydo. He must have been just devastated to leave… NOT! He is gone until Sunday night leaving me solo from Saturday morning on. While dinner was being made mom had her friend Ashley over who is helping us out with Gypsy when we aren’t at the house (next weekend for various reasons). 

Echo with her hair done by Grandma... 3 tiny braids

Our evening was rather quiet, Mike and mom had to pack. Though Mike had a surprise for her – brand new matched hard top luggage! Mom had wanted the suitcase but had not picked it up yet so he went back and picked it AND the smaller carry on up for her. Aren’t they lovely? And they were on sale! 

New luggage

That left me with my evening free, I have our laundry sorted, the kids settled and plans to explore the city… organized and RELAXED Lisa welcome back!!!! 

Cool baby