Tag Archive | journey

The Reflection on My 30 Days

And of course, I had to reflect on my over all reflection. I was asked what made me begin this journey, what book (if any) I used, well that answer is… no book, just a wish to better understand myself so I stop feeling so guilty, tired and or pulled in all directions. It was fun, it was hard, and it was eye opening. Thank you for reading along. Feel free to share with me what you thought. I would love to hear it. Anyway… (Post 1 HERE Post 2 HERE)

A reflection on my 30 day reflection.

I have learned a lot about myself the past 30 days, and like listening at key holes it was not all nice to hear.

I allow myself little leeway when it comes to productivity. Stillness is laziness, idle hands unheard off. While being productive is good, so is being still.

Naps are good… Guilt is ridiculous when you are taking the time to regroup and re-energize. As long as you aren’t sleeping every day away… Who doesn’t love a nap?

I have untapped potential that I really should tap. We all do really! Maybe some boundary stretching is in order.

I fear, I am anxious, I am over done, I am also happy, content, connected and secure. I am all sorts of opposing things… Isn’t it grand?

My days are full of ups and downs, it is ok to be a little down or even a lot, as long as I keep looking for the up. And ask for help and support when I can’t find it myself.

And most of all… I am lucky. In part due to circumstances beyond my control, but also in my choices, my community and my love.

How about you? Has my journey brought you any new thoughts? I hope I at least entertained!

Here I am with all my faults. But here I also am an amazing and unique person who has the potential to ever be more than I was yesterday. And I love it!!IMG_20181103_195051_914

 

30 Days of Self Discovery

NOTE: this would have been recent had not the Thanksgiving and Christmas season kicked my crafting butt! Anyway, now those who missed my time on Facebook and Instagram can finally get a peek at my month of introspection. 

I recently finished a 30 day journey I suddenly decided to take in the beginning days of October (2018). See, I realized that I really am being hard on myself for the sake of an ideal I am not sure is relevant or even the real me. This started me on the thought that maybe each day I should stop and listen just a little more closely to myself and my needs.  In response to this I started actually responding to those needs with actions that I decided should NOT be mired in guilt or embarrassment.

How best to do this? Why, share on my social media platforms (Facebook and Instagram), of course. So for many people this is a rehash or at the very least, a consolidation of something they have followed along with for 30 days. So sit back and enjoy my collection of introspective posts and the photos I included with them. Well, the first 15 days (half of it).

Day 1IMG_20181005_124153_475

Day 2 of being kinder to myself… Took Sink Kitty’s example and ran a bath, told the kids they could have an ice cream if they let me forget about parenting for 30 min. Breaks are important. How can my kids learn how to take one if I penalize myself for self care moments?IMG_20181005_124223_648

Day 3 of listening more closely to my entire being without harsh judgement. After running errands I made a pillow nest… Turned on background tv on the iPad to cancel out the kids’ gaming, and took a nap. We really punish our entire self with lack of sleep.

What about you?? Did you do something you normally would have felt guilt over but is a good thing today?IMG_20181006_202700_977

Day 4 of sensitivity to self training… I made my mom’s dip, went to R.I.P.P.E.D class and celebrated Thanksgiving. The day was good!20181007_182803

Day 5unknown

Day 6 of contemplating need… Slightly ill kid so I set an example. 3pm afterschool nap together. I am seeing a trend. I need to release the guilt I feel when I take an afternoon nap. One hour does not make my day a failure. You??IMG_20181009_223715_463

Day 7 of being better to myself for the betterment of myself… I went to one of my favourite places, did one of my favourite activities and then surrounded myself with some of my favourite things.

For those of curious minds…

YMCA (duh)
Worked out (surprised myself how much I have grown to love and need this nearly daily)
And now for the hidden picture/can you spot list: Cheezies, crochet, good book, documentary, tall glass of water and even a few friends (not pictured)

How about you???IMG_20181010_195454_365

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Day 8 of self examination I examined deeply how truly privileged my position in life is even by my location of birth. It is not an easy watch… It really shouldn’t be… And not for young kids but City of Joy is an amazing documentary about the plight of women in Congo.

Have you watched this? Would you watch this? Want to talk about it with me?IMG_20181011_191141_885

Day 9 of listening to myself actually required ignoring myself (well a noisy portion).

With no license getting to things is work. Tonight I ignored that part of me that whined about cold and dark and effort and geared up 3 of my kids for the 2 mile walk to the YMCA.

We walked there in light and home in dusk. We didn’t miss dance class and I threw myself whole heartedly into R.I.P.P.E.D class.

We succeeded because I ignored my feeling of can’t to acknowledge that I truly don’t know what I can do until I try… And wear the appropriate warm gear to do so.

How about you? Do you have to silence that voice of inability sometimes? Do you stretch your limits and learn more about what you CAN instead of accept you maybe can’t?IMG_20181012_200412_235

Day 10 of looking within had me making a different kind of nest.

There is nothing so renewing than surrounding yourself in your favourite hobby. Especially when it includes soft fluffy yarn. Throw in a virtual tour of a bff’s new digs (love you Karyn, so happy for you) and a furry companion and my soul is both less homesick and feeling warm and fuzzy. I even assembled 3 amigurumi and am well on my way to finishing the main portion of a hat.

How about you? What activity brings you joy? Are you at peace in place or an active hobbyist???IMG_20181013_182411_957

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Day 11 of making time to really realize what I need and I actually continued a pattern I set in place well over a year ago.

I am a huge advocate for working towards a healthy mind AND body. It isn’t easy, results are not instant or even visually obvious but the effects ripple out like a stone dropped in a still pond.

This is the face of a post R.I.P.P.E.D class sweaty and exhausted me. My instructors at my local YMCA are inspiring and the people in my class a joy.

Have you found an activity that gets you moving? Tests your limits? Makes you work? Wanna join me Friday or Sunday at 5pm or Monday at 7pm? I have guest passes!!!IMG_20181014_210649_167

Day 12 of my challenge to listen better to myself actually required me to listen to a very intelligent friend. (Love you Karyn) She reminded me that while it is all fine and good to save things it is actually often better to savour them properly now.

How many things do I save for the perfect time? Agonize over when I should open this treat or use that special paper? Is it not more of a proper thank you to someone when they gift me something special (see image below) to enjoy the moment of use more than worry about its perfection?

How much of my life gets tied up in the hunt for the perfect moment to do or use xyz? Life is full of opportunity. Time for me to take the opportunity to enjoy the gifts and love I am given. After all that enjoyment is rather perfect in and of itself!

How about you? A candle you never burn gathering dust? A snack uneaten risking expiration? Want to join me and take a moment to enjoy them properly?IMG_20181015_144959_405

Day 13 of listening to myself has been a day of acknowledgement.

How many times a day do you take a feeling or a thought and shove it aside? Push it away or refuse to actually take the time to examine, accept and acknowledge it?

Today I sat down and thought about how I do often feel like I am out of the loop with things. One of the natural consequences to not living in the thick of friends and family. This time I made time to actually ruminate. (Not wallow, mind you) I bet there are people in my life who feel that way about me… I had to accept that I am also responsible for that emotional distance (2 way street right?).

Today I gave myself a moment to be a little sad that I am not back home helping a dear friend move. To realize that someday in the future I will be at her door with a housewarming gift and a hug.

I acknowledged the good too, we dropped everything and took in fall in Minnesota with a walk and some leaf raking. I made time to balance out my acknowledgments of feelings and thoughts that may not be the most uplifting with a moment of sunshine and colour.

I didn’t change anything but my way of thinking. It always amazes me how in some cases that is enough to lift my spirits and give me some perspective.

What about you??IMG_20181016_150105_137

Day 14 of listening closer to myself… Today I remember and appreciate.

Today – October 17th, marks 3 yrs since the passing of a fellow twin mom. 3 years of life where her kids are being raised by others. Her babies will have to depend on pictures and videos and stories told by others to supplement their memories of their mom.

So today I appreciate… I appreciate that I am privileged to raise my 5 children. I appreciate that I am given the opportunity to receive the hugs and kisses as well as discipline and challenge my babies.

I think I lose that appreciation sometimes in daily life. When I am exhausted from playing referee or frustrated after a day of slogging through difficult schooling I forget. I forget how amazing the fact that I have these 5 beings to help mold and to love can be.

So today I remember and appreciate. This house is full and I wouldn’t have it any other way.IMG_20181017_165627_877

Day 15 of looking within to improve the whole and today I created.

And to make it all sweeter I created and completed for others. I special 4 piece commission had the final end tied today. Last night a prayer shawl for the Catholic church had its ends woven in.

The ability to give back and to help others. To make someone smile by simply using a skill I learned and honed. That reads success to me.

Tonight I move onto other projects… Christmas is coming and I really should start some gifts.

Do you have a hobby that brings you a sense of fulfilment and joy?? I would love to hear about it!IMG_20181018_155044_459

 Check back soon for the second half of my journey! I promise NOT to take a month to post it!

A Substantial Milestone

Sometimes we are surprised when one of these pops up, October 23rd, 2016 marks a couple rather important and amazing milestones… first of all – Ken is now 39! Where has the time gone? I am so grateful to his parents for creating such an amazing individual way back in ’77. One year from 40 and creeping up on 20 years since I became friends with him. Life has taken us all over the place in reality and in growth and I am so in love with him.20161023_103933

The second milestone was the one that sort of crept up on us. This is the very first year, the very first birthday for Ken that we have celebrated together and had the firm knowledge that he is truly on the road to healthy. The first birthday completely unshadowed by active thoughts and concerns of depression looming over us. And that is a HUGE milestone.

We are able to look at today as a total celebration, as a reaffirmation that not only is it another year along our journey but it is another year of Ken embracing joy, potential and affirmation. We have moved beyond the circled wagons and the fear of regression and were able to sit back today and really enjoy a Ken focus day.

Which of course meant lots of sitting around and, well, gaming… or in my case, sitting around and crocheting while reading manga. To see a real smile on Ken’s face, true emotions shining out, well… my heart was full.

The 23rd marked, for us, proof of progress. A day full of moments where we are able to feel the positive effect of all the work, all the sweat and tears and careful planning and discussion that our path has brought us through. It is the fact that we can celebrate a milestone together that reminds me of how close I could have come to losing him. How precious it is that his wish to be healthy coincides with our love and wish for him to always be here with us.

Depression will never be out of our life completely. A part of me is always going to watch for signs in Ken, worry that this is something that my kids could in turn develop and need support through. This is the reality for us, for myself. And I am ok with that. With a bit of diligence and open hearted honesty here, maybe in watching out for my family I can help watch out for others? I would love to hear that there were other people out there who are also reaching unexpected milestones. 

So October 23rd, 2016 is proof positive that we are on our way. Up and down, whatever is thrown at us, that day, those moments, the laughter and the quiet peaceful together time is in my heart to remind me of our success.

I hope that everyone reading this is able to find some milestones to celebrate. As always, I like to think we are in this together. Feel free to comment or share below. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEN!20161023_191635