I actually held onto this post until this weekend feeling just out of sorts and not willing to get into something not connected with the VAN EPIC. But I am determined… starting this weekend I don’t care – van or not, we are going to get going with the right foot forward. I have spent much of Saturday searching for Spring and Easter crafts to get the boys going on now that the snow is TENTATIVELY melting away. We are going to get our to do box emptied and get REALLY organized for Spring and Easter books. The past few days the boys have been focused on learning games! Counting, letters, matching… fun fun fun.
Why is it that whenever we have a bad day or the kids are acting out and we are working in disciplining and even getting frustrated people always say things like “and you WANTED 4” or “and you are having ANOTHER one”? What is it about those negative moments and events that seems to outweigh (in many people’s minds) the positives to our larger family. Makes it even make sense to say something (in jest of course) that would insinuate we would wish away a moment with these children or worse one of the kids themselves?
That is not to say those bad moments and days DON’T occur and I must admit there are moments of severe frustration, but my first thought is “why can’t they just behave” or a distinct feeling of failure – failure to control the situation, to find a more calm way to deal… but to wish away a single hair on their heads, to change a single personality quirk – no.
Yet when we have a GOOD day or the children are especially well mannered, no one says “and you are stopping at 5?” or “and you didn’t have them sooner??”. Why is it that the comedy and the interest is always in the bad and not the good – I wonder if that is our basic human nature showing through?
It is funny though, here and now we are a minority with our (what many consider) old-fashioned views on family – the wish to have a large one, to homeschool, to be hands on parents without day care or consistent babysitters. We made the decision early on to focus from pretty much the beginning of our marriage on creating and sustaining a large family. I consider myself VERY lucky that in finding my soulmate I also found a person who was looking for the same version of family I, myself envisioned. Ken and I were on the same page from the very beginning wanting 5 or 6 kids and myself remaining at home.
That is not to say our life is what others would want, in fact I do believe most if not all of our friends are shooting for different dreams. We have friends who are globe trotting this year, others who are taking further education to begin a new career, still others planning to start their lives together in marriage, some welcoming their first child, others their second or third… others buying their first house. Even our family members have different focuses – some are technology focused (and in love with the newest and best out there), others focused on their newest addition with 4 legs. What is important is not that their dreams and aspirations are in line with our own but that they are seeking their OWN and not someone else’s.
It is the differences that draw us together – the pharmacist, the librarian, homemaker, first time mother, the student, the plumber, the IT specialist, the photographer, the welder… the list goes on and on, but put us all in the same room and we enjoy each other’s company, have wild and wonderful conversations… why is that? Well I believe it is like the dreams we each hold in our hearts. If we follow our own… if we are comfortable in our own shoes and love ourselves we can easily open our hearts and minds to other’s selves and dreams.
I hope all of our friends feel comfortable enough around us to share their dreams… there is nothing more amazing than knowing someone else’s dream and being there to see it happen!