I admit to being worn out. Constant go go go is not the norm for our little family BUT we have managed some good times and some terrific moments of joy. Now I just want some down time but as of yet there is none in the near future. So wish me luck! I have been posting stuff on Facebook and am slowly catching up on the family website pictures. Ken is working on his and Ted’s game again and we have great hope that something wonderful will come of it so check back with me later! And keep fingers crossed and a prayer in your hearts for our little family… er not so little family… life is never simple for us but right now a few things are a bit uncertain and any and all positive vibes are welcome and appreciated! Drop me a line if you feel the need… I do love catching up with people!!

Ken has a favourite thing to tell me when things go sour – "Kenny fix"… so simple and yet it is him taking the weight of OUR world and our family onto his shoulders… No matter how much my beloved Yankee may stress me out or frustrate me to NO END I don’t know what I would do without him… nor do I want to know what I would do. It is funny how in the past 10 yrs I have gone from being completely independent to really depending on someone else. It has been a difficult adjustment… having to sit and wait where I used to be able to get up and solve… but in return I am able to stay home with my kids, and for once in my life NOT be the one who has to carry the entire burden on my shoulders…

So we leave for Minnesota soon… and my mom’s wedding is on Saturday. I have had the kids make up all their Mother’s Day cards and have completed Trinity’s thank you cards… cross stitch patterns are packaged up with supplies and ready to go, Trinity’s spring and summer wardrobe is sitting waiting to be packed and the twins’ entired dresser emptied out for their suitcase… man do we need to get them more clothing! If anyone is thinking of gifts — JEANS!!! They have about worn out the knees on ALL of theirs! Now comes that hard part – picking out my own clothing, my wardrobe has shrunk drastically when I got rid of all the pieces that not longer fit or were worn out.. Then fit all of that in whatever containers are left and then the van… Insurmountable right now!

Ken likes to say that things happen the way they do because HE is involved… my dad always says you are not given more than you can handle… I like to believe that it is the tests, trials and tribulations that have made me who I am – my family’s breaking up when I was in high school, my dad moving south… the kids’ different medical issues we have dealt with over time… our dream of owning our own house being pushed back further and further more times than I like to think about… all of these things have made me who I am… although I must admit in order to get there a lot of tears and sharp words and frustration has had to occur.

So the question maybe is not "why us?" but "how can we face the newest trials with dignity?"…. especially when all I want to do is lay on the floor, drum my heels to the ground and cry like a baby. Why oh why did we not appreciate the release that is the ability of having a full out temper tantrum when we were young enough to do so without more than the usual raised eyebrows? I feel like Sarah running the "Labyrinth" screaming out at every turn – "it’s not fair!!!" But then the reality is that life is NOT fair, we all have our problems.. our personal hurdles to jump… or own demons to face. I know I DO feel a sense of relief and comfort that I don’t have to face my problems alone, but at the same time there is a certain level of fear and discomfort that in turn I trust him with my life and that of our children. Ken is more than capable but I was raised to look after myself… to NOT depend on others to bail me out – as often times there WASN’T someone in the wings who had the ability to do so. It is funny how you go from feeling relatively alone in the world to almost overwhelmingly with so many people… there are 6 of us now in each and every situation… life is definitely NOT lonely but I certainly do not have the control I used to over everything… and somehow I think… when I step back and look at things… that that is a GOOD thing. Ken balances me out and I him… the children make our lives all the richer and force us to face reality and issues from a different, more innocent point of view.