I know I am. Something that has become more and more apparent to me after Ken got sick back in 2009 and as the children have grown. Now while I am mentally aware of this increasingly obvious character trait and how it can be detrimental, emotionally I simply cannot avoid it.

This has worked in my favour, I am a pro at being sure Ken is still on the road to better health now, I have caught little issues with the kids before they become huge, and I am able to manage the busy life of a house with 7 people in it. But… and this is a BIG but… I can be utterly useless at times as well.

When it comes to money worries I… well… worry. Which is less than helpful as I am not the one making the money in this family. A worry will catch me unawares and niggle on into my brain and stay. I find that my first response is the same as my response to good-byes, amazing news and sad movies… to cry. That over and done with I drive Ken MAD with questions and plans and hopes and the little bitty worries connected to the original worries. Following me? And yes this is where we feel bad for Ken. Cuz while I mean well he goes nuts!

This also occurs with issues with the kids; Echo’s weight, Emanuel’s heart murmur before we sorted it out, the twins’ speech or the original lack thereof until they were pushing 3. And while I come up with great plans it tends to weigh heavy.

So I have come up with a personal goal. I want to work on having my cry, making my plan and then trusting on the solution and the work we will pit behind it!! After all, Echo is now gaining weight, Emanuel is far from dying, the twins won’t STOP talking and Ken is working super hard to pay of debts AND balance that with remaining healthy. Sometimes I need to have faith in more than just my religion and relationship with the amazing man I call husband. Worry has it’s place, I just want to enjoy life while I worry like any loving mother does. Now do you think that balance is possible? I would love to hear other’s experiences and opinions on this!! If nothing else so I don’t feel so alone.

Beyond the worries I think we are doing rather well. I am still keeping any shopping to a minimum. No buy date on my Cricut yet. We are finding numerous free activities or activities that utilize the Leisure Pass we have until end of April fir the kids. I have come up with more design ideas for sewing and made gifts for friends and family I am proud to give. Who knows, maybe this time next year we will be amazing in all facets of our lives! Now there is a goal… To do like Dr. Who told Rose (wow how geeky of me) – have a fabulous life. How can you go wrong doing that?

It looks like we have one more bitingly cold day before we see some more kid friendly weather. Our new old van really does NOT like warming up in the winter so we bundled up for our trip to Grandma’s. That is the main reason we stayed the night. Ken did not want to drive home with the kids on one of the coldest nights of the year. It gave the kids more time with their Grandpa Mike anyway.

Playing Legos (Gavin red)

Ken and I got out without the kids to do some pre gift searching for the boys. I want to spend as little as possible as usual but still get them what I want to get them. It is almost a game, can I do it so far UNDER budget that I have money to contribute back to out debts. So far their beds were nicely under the 200.00 each I had set for myself (we have waited beyond when we should have really to get them their own beds due to all the arguing at bedtime).

Gavin and Zander and Echo

This has put me back a bit on the Chinese New Year book the boys were making. I had planned on spending today putting together what we already had done. Ken finished our firecrackers Sunday night (or was it first thing Monday morning?) and I hung up the numbers 0-9 on our Chinese New Year/Valentines wall. Nothing fancy this year, I am hoping from now on we can build our decorations stash.

Firecrackers

In the batch of items my mom sent home with us we lucked out with a Grade 1 Reading workbook based on Mr. Dressup (if you are unaware of him you are most likely NOT Canadian! Anyone else remember The Friendly Giant or The Polka Dot Door?). With Zander needing to take some time once he has his glasses (something we are hopefully ordering tomorrow) and has to catch up with his Math comprehension still I think I may hand this book over to Gavin. Or at the very least photocopy and share. Most of the English workbooks we have straddle 2 or 3 years which makes it hard on Gavin who wants to just keep going and gets VERY frustrated when the book goes to a point he simply can’t yet understand.

New workbook

We have a new toy to try out as well. Mom came across this at work – a Projecta Scope. If it works as it says it should I am sure we can find a multitude of uses. I know the boys would find it fun to trace out something bigger on their own!

New toy

I had the kids start their wood/marker craft I bought at Michaels. There are 4 ornaments for them to colour and then glitter glue. I limited them to two each (out today so as to have something more to do later. I do believe Gavin wants to give one to his Godmommy (my friend Christine). He is VERY interested in his Godparents and asks about them and makes them things quite faithfully (that reminds me I have to put together a belated Christmas envelope (etc) for him shortly. I think he recognizes how special it is to have two people who are HIS and not have to share them in the same capacity as he does all the other people in his lives.

Finished pieces

We start our frog unit tomorrow. I have a whole selection of links to share and plan on doing that tomorrow. We are doing a single lapbook as a family to cut down on printing and to work on working TOGETHER on things.

So tonight I tidy, work on cleaning up my laptop and hopefully take a break from worrying! Again any suggestions or stories from your own experiences would be TERRIFIC sweet readers!! Hugs to you all.

Got Your Nose

With my previous post going up so late in the morning of the next day I figured I would hold off on my next update overnight. So here is another 2 day entry!

The weather has changed drastically in the past few days. We have gone from negative 20’s (Celsius) to the positives. Which while it is lovely to go out in, is not so lovely to drive in or walk on the sidewalk with. We have ice on our steps from the melt off the roof and the roads are less than pretty. Today’s trip to the conservatory has been rescheduled to Friday after freezing rain made the roads iffy. Ken spoke with friends who had to have assistance getting their cars out and safely to work and with our new old van being still relatively new to us we decided against piling the family in to test the tires etc. A bit of a downer as I did not have much pre planned for homeschooling today otherwise but better safe and a little bored than on the road and scared.

But back to yesterday and the “big event” that I am sure everyone will be glad to read is over. Ken took the girls to meet their new paediatrician finally. It was a very brief appointment as he was backlogged from the previous week’s cancellations. This meant that while Ken was busy undressing Echo they were weighing and measuring Trinity resulting in Ken NOT having either of the girls’ measurements written down. From what I understand Trinity is right on track and Echo is great height and head (I thought that nurse at Public Health measured her head off to get a not good enough measurement) and is well on her way to 10 lbs! I will have to do some measuring and weighing here at home with our baby scale… Now Trinity was seen as perfect (only a matter of time before the rest of the world figured out what we already know!) and Echo was cooed over by all the nurses as being absolutely beautiful. Ears and eyes were checked, soft spot examined… etc etc. The doctor wants us  to bring in Echo at 6 months (a month or so from now) and if she has not gained weight then THEN he will be concerned. We are ecstatic to have a doctor who once again listens to us, considers family history AND takes into consideration almost 2 solid months of colds. So a good appointment!

Dressed and ready to go

Ken actually called the office earlier in the morning and was told to come an hour late due to all the rescheduled appointments so they simply swung back by home and picked the rest of us up after it. As a big treat we took all the kids to The Mall for some shopping and snacks. I got a great deal on a shirt and pants for Echo at H&M (clearance rack) for 2.00 a piece, looked around for jeans for Ken and then to the food court for snacks. The kids had New York Fries and Ken their poutine.

Fries with Daddy

I spoiled myself and got Chinese, which of course I had to share with the kids. We certainly do NOT waste food! How can you when there is no left overs? Though Ken pulled a stunt on me with his pop – he did not warn me that it was our usual shared Pepsi, so when I took a sip got Dr. Pepper – one of me least favourite of the colas… bleck! After eating we headed to the Victoria Secret/Pink store to buy new underwear. The twins and Echo went to cash with me and the girl there gave each of them one of the special stuffed dogs you got with purchase. The boys were sweet enough to pass them along to their sisters! Pink for Trinity and white for Echo.

The puppies... and the bag of undies

With a stop over at McDonalds on the way home for sandwiches we had enough time to finish the game of Trouble I had started with the boys before Ken picked us up. Poor Gavin got trounced over and over again but managed to keep pretty civil about it. Tuesday night is our actual game night but since the boys had worked rather hard on their homeschool stuff I figured we had time for a game.

Speaking of working hard – Zander finished his review workbook yesterday. He was VERY proud of the completion and when we sat back down with his Math book he was much better equipped to deal with the concepts and much more willing to follow the instructions. Hopefully this new resolve will stick, but if we get back into trouble I figure I will pull out another review book and see if we just aren’t quite cementing things in her mind. He seems to be more like Ken, if he is not interested in it or enjoying it he will not retain it well.

Completed workbook!

Gavin and I spent some quality time colouring a Chinese New Year picture to put on our wall. As a treat they each get a day to do a picture with Mommy using her markers. I have to get back to Michaels next time I have a decent coupon to get myself some new Crayola markers. Then I pass down my older set to the boys. They are finally running out of the previous package I gave them (they are not exactly religious about putting lids back on markers properly).

The beginnings of our wall

I finished the newest pattern we designed based on the Dr. Who series last night, anyone familiar with the series should get the reference. This one is based on a statement made multiple times by the 11th Doctor played by Matt Smith. I am hoping to have the pattern up for free download shortly!

All done

That leaves me with the Zombie piece I am currently working on and an insistent plea to Ken to get moving on the next pattern. I am not sure if he will get me my 3rd Dr. Who piece or my stepsister’s wedding sampler first. The latter is definitely going to be more complicated.

I ordered some more ribbon and barrettes off eBay today. I am on my last 4 clips and am finding it difficult to buy the colours I want without spending a ton for a colour I do not need tons of locally. I am hoping to make some fancier clips for gifts this year as well as some seasonal and holiday pieces for myself and our girls. And I wonder why I can’t find the time to learn to knit, tat or crochet… someday!

Emanuel got his latest Lego magazine yesterday which was so exciting for our 3 boys. This morning they made the snowman from the instructions in the magazine. And later that afternoon Trinity dismantled it quite happily (thank goodness the boys were ALL outside).

Completed Lego snowman

The boys spent most of the late afternoon outside… until they were little boy shaped popsicles pretty much. The backyard is a bit more compacted so making snowmen and climbing about was not so intense for them. Though Emanuel still needed a little help from his brothers and I kept Trinity in. She actually ended up with a bum rash from the little bit of Dr. Pepper she did have. Just a little reminder that we HAVE TO watch her refined sugar intake!

With actual snowman (Gavin left)

Tonight is an early night for me – or supposed to be. Tomorrow morning Ken and Zander go to the eye specialist for his yearly check up. They are watching his eye for improvement as when he is tired or stressed it has in the past tended to go lazy. They dilate and all that so just Ken goes (it is a lengthy appointment). The hope is that this could be our last or next to last appointment. At least he is not afraid to go and actually talks about it like it is a positive experience!

Oh, before I ran out of adhesive I managed to finish THREE scrapbook pages for Echo!

Baptism Gown

Adoarable

Christmas Eve

So back to stitching the Zombie piece and spending time with Echo tonight… tomorrow will most likely be busy!

Striking a pose

So I SHOULD have gone to bed MUCH earlier last night than I did… I blame it on Ken and Ted and their dangling or a new “carrot” in front of me – 3 episodes of Dr. Who with Dr. #9. And Rose, don’t forget Rose… I have to say – very engaging. I remember watching early early episodes of the series (no clue which doctor but I remember the scarf…) with my dad and being thoroughly confused but loving the show regardless. So I didn’t get to bed until well into Saturday morning… which in turn had me UP at way later than I expected. Thankfully the only real Saturday “have to be at” activity was Alex den Otter’s 3rd birthday party at 2.

Not without a picture at the “picture tree” first of course. (What in the world are we going to do when we move and don’t have the silly thing??)

Gavin left

The kids had a blast playing in the backyard at the den Otter’s. And of course playing with all the toys inside.

Birthday boy and Zander

There was a potluck snack/meal that the kids enjoyed, but we had to leave before cake and presents. Trinity and Emanuel had missed naps (even though Trinity had slept in until 11 when Ken woke her – I think she is going through a growth spurt)… and I was wearing out too…

Time for food (Zander red)

Anna and Mommy

It is hard to do afternoon events sometimes, the kids just burn out faster, especially on an overcast and rainy day. Funny how much we love the sun!

When we got home it was a nap for Ken, then supper and bed for the kids. So I took advantage of this time to get in a couple scrapbook pages for Echo – one of my favourite pictures from her first week AND the piece of art Emanuel made for her book.

Emanuel's art

Sleeping Echo

Now I need to focus on apples – we are WAY behind on applesauce and I don’t want to waste and of the free apples we have in our backyard. Not only that but I want to give some to friends and family. This time round I am putting the sauce in the sandwich sized ziploc bags – smaller amounts but perfect for cooking or snacks.

I have started on the outlining of the parts of Echo’s stocking that ARE completed. I am hoping to get as much done as possible this weekend before Ken gets me another pattern to complete. Thankfully Echo is happy to snuggle in my lap or beside me while I work.

To date

Tomorrow the goal is to make it to church. One of our ministers called today to check in about the baptism but she is on holidays for 2 weeks and we can’t plan until Karyn gets back (she is now in Ireland) after the 10th. It was nice to touch base though and she totally understands why it is hard to get FIVE kids out the door and to church. Sunday School registration is next weekend so we will DEFINITELY make that!

Other than that I have to get the house tidy, apples picked up from outside… organize some crafts for next week’s schooling and get ready for Mom, Mike and Harley’s visit on Monday (Labour Day) – since we can’t have toys out or Harley will eat them in the backyard. Definitely not a overwhelming weekend but certainly not totally laid back.

3 weeks old now!