Tag Archive | yoga

I Deserve…

Yoga has become a nightly routine for me now for well over 40 days and it is gradually changing my life. I have been going through the videos from the Yoga With Adriene channel on YouTube and am on my second 30 day series with her.

Currently I am almost midway through Yoga Camp. Each day’s video has a focus, the latest being “I Deserve”. Such a simple sentence to complete but for a moment it stopped me short. What DO I really think I deserve?

The idea of deserving something or being worthy is something I sometimes struggle with. How do I quantify what I deserve? Am I actually deserving of what I already have? How can I be deserving enough?

The reality of the life is that I think we deserve so much more than we realize… love, compassion, understanding, friendship, acknowledgement, acceptance… we all are so deserving of these things and yet often times don’t realize it or even deny it. 

Of course there are the material things that we feel we deserve and work toward… a nice house, fancy vehicle, a room full of yarn (or is that just me?). These items require action to be “earned” and often hard work or a financial investment. 

But when it comes to the statement in session today… I deserve… I felt like the list was much more the former category than that latter materials based one. 

What do I deserve that I need to acknowledge in those quiet yoga filled moments? It isn’t a ball of yarn or a new dress or a book I want to buy… rather I need to realize how truly deserving I am…

So here I go to publicly state what “I Deserve”…

I deserve …

  • Joy, I deserve to feel that full on belly tickling joy in my day and promise to embrace the opportunities to do so.
  • Peace, I deserve to come to the end of my day with the realization that I lived it with the intention of peace.
  • Love/Friendship… every hug, every moment with a beloved friend be it just a hello, I am totally and utterly deserving of that. 
  • Quiet, I deserve my quiet stolen moments. They are not lazy or negligent but an act of self love as I take some time to not be anything or anyone but me. Beyond mother, wife, teacher, friend etc.
  • Support, I deserve support. Not as a monetary or physical manifestation, but the knowledge that my dreams and aspirations are supported by others. Even if they may not understand my particular brand of crazy. 
  • Recognition, I deserve to be recognized… even if it is just by myself. Who I am is worthy of recognition. And that can mean just my own realization that I am worthy, that I am a good person and that I truly do try my best in my life. Self recognition can be so powerful. External validation is often a great thing but if I can stand tall and proud and realize that I am working to be the best ME I can be… there is power in that. 

So what does this all mean? Well, to me it means that I have work to do. As I wrote this post I felt those inklings of self doubt. Do I truly deserve friendship or love at all times? Do I deserve to be joyful when I feel I am lacking in something? Does that time I take for myself in silence mean I am neglecting something else more worthy of my time? 

It means I have work to do. I need to make time to embrace the stillness and look inside myself to simply realize we are all deserving of so much more than we accept. 

It means when I receive one of these blessings I need to acknowledge and embrace them, it is like receiving a compliment… am I the only one who has a VERY hard time simply saying thank you? 

I am an example for my family and I deserve the realization that I am a pretty good one. And every day as I work on myself and my family I simply become MORE deserving. We all do. 

So my goal for April 2018 onward is to not become more deserving but to become more aware that I AM deserving. We are all deserving of so much in life that we don’t acknowledge, ignore or even reject (consciously or unconsciously). Time to stop the cycle and accept the facts… 

How would you finish the statement -I deserve-?

Right now, right this minute, you deserve my thanks for reading my ramble. Thank you! Bless!IMG_20180329_091032_603

My Week of Being Me

With the coming Lunar based celebration and the progression of time marked in the twins being firmly placed in the teen years I decided to take one of my busiest weeks (did I mention Valentine’s Day?) and re-center myself and place my focus more firmly on doing “me”.

Well, it has been a week and what have I learned?

  1. I am a pretty awesome person, and I don’t mean… hey look at me I am so awesome, but more… there is some much potential I can still tap… I have plans and ideas, more hopes and dreams than I really have examined. I don’t know if I inspire awe in others but after a week of letting my mind run unchecked at times and firmly focused on tasks at others I realize I need to be proud of myself.
  2. This week I started my journey in yoga. A special thanks to those who suggested Yoga With Adriene on YouTube. Her beginner video has me confident and ready to continue. It has lead me to realize that I can better silence all the activity in my mind. That I can find time for myself even if it has to be me saying “nope time to stop and do this activity” and ignore the busy house around me.
  3. I am a success even when I fail because I tried. Sometimes I wonder if I am good enough, strong enough, smart enough. Well, I don’t have answers to those wonders but I did realize this week that I AM enough because I give my all. My family is covered in love and good intentions because when I do these things for them that I have done for years I do them with integrity and intention. Maybe to others I need more of this aspect or the other but I know that in my success and failure I am learning and adapting which means I set an example to my children that is positive and strong. They see that I don’t give up or let it get to me, I adapt. Which is what I ask them to do.
  4. I took on a personal challenge… a week of 9 hours per day with 250+ steps per hour. Which sometimes had me hopping around like a lunatic 5 min before the hour when I got caught up in a visit or with crochet (definitely a hobby that leads to a comfortable chair and not a wandering body). But I managed. This showed me that I need to get up and move, because each day by 6pm I felt better. I wandered the house and picked up things I usually would have sent a kid to do or done later. I showed my kids that movement was a positive and that it was okay to break up a moment by moving around. And I celebrated like a silly goose often as I made my steps.Screenshot_2018-02-17-21-25-57
  5. The big thing I didn’t so much learn but had reinforced in my mind is that while my life is hectic and sometimes unconventional and occasionally a little isolating it is amazing. I am blessed and challenged at the same time. Sometimes by my own choosing and others by what life has thrown at me. It isn’t a question of changing anything or wishing I could change anything but a full realization that what I am living right now is utterly unique to me and my family. There is no true equal comparison out there to what we are as a family. There is no need for one. The love of my life is amazing, my children a challenging collection of unique humans who amaze me as they drive me mad. And without them I would not be me. Yes I don’t drive, I homeschool my kids, I am shy in public, scared of more than a few things, but I am also loved… I am strong and decisive… I support my family in so many special ways and hopefully am finding ways to do the same for friends and extended family. I love, am loved and will always find ways to share love… which makes me, my life, and those around me… AMAZING.

So as I ignored ways to compare things, my life, my appearance, my school set up, my parenting choices, my home… I freed myself up a bit. Freed myself from some self doubt, from a few fears, from little niggling obsessions I sometimes have trouble letting go of. (And maybe started the road to being a little more “bendy” as Ken would say)

I took a week of introspection and exploration and realized… why should I stop? Maybe a little less care of my appearance to others and a little more joy is what I need… oh and 3 classes a week of R.I.P.P.E.D. and some amazing documentaries with a good crochet project. Always a good crafting project… cuz creativity soothes this soul… as does making knots, origami, felting… I am branching out. So here I am embarking on a month or more of finding me in my life. Wish me luck!!!IMG_20180214_151346_502

Frantic in February

February is NEVER a calm month. We start off running with birthdays – Emanuel on the 3rd, the twins on the 5th, their Nana on the 7th. Then it is right onto Valentines’ Day. Luckily this year Chinese New Year was in January, but we still seem to rush right through February year after year. As an additional plus, February marks the beginning of a membership at the Science Museum.IMG_20170223_164302_881

Of course first things first… the twins are TEENS! And lovely Emanuel 11… where did the time go? You can read a recount on these special moments HERE.20170211_215425

We spent lots of time at the YMCA, in the pool, in classes…IMG_20170226_220642_956

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At club.FB_IMG_1487343739955

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Trying out Yoga!FB_IMG_1487343727369

There was indoor soccer to watch – our godson Anthony.20170225_212048

20170225_210138We even managed a dinner out.IMG_20170222_173748_383

IMG_20170222_221937_396We decorated t-shirts.

By Gavin

By Gavin

Emanuel, Zander

Emanuel, Zander

Trinity

Trinity

Echo

Echo

IMG_20170215_143439_011There was plenty of homeschool completions to celebrate.

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IMG_20170227_115828_559We even had a Flat Stanley visitor.IMG_20170208_100242_525

The choir sang.IMG_20170212_122552_350

We crafted.IMG_20170201_134858

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Had dinner with the Schwartz family.IMG_20170218_225552_970

20170218_192806We even managed to start some painting around the house. First room tackled – Emanuel’s!IMG_20170218_134208_666

Enjoyed our Pizza Hut reading program reward.20170223_183716

It was a chilly, busy, love filled month. Just like February always is with this not so little family!

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