Archive | July 2007

A Sunny Saturday

Another sunny, hot day. Emanuel was up at 6am.. the boys before 7. Because the evenings are so hot still they are cranky and tired way too early. Hopefully tonight I can keep them up until 8pm and maybe get a little more sleep myself. This single parent thing SUCKS and I have had Karyn over both days! In fact yesterday she drove up by 10:30 so we could take the boys to the splash park before it got too hot… I think she had the most fun of all!
Yesterday, looking back, was not THAT bad of a day. The boys had fun at the splash park, lunch was not a huge ordeal… they all napped… but were cranky in the afternoon – it hit 30 cel then. We walked to the lawn in front of that huge seniors home and played for a bit before heading off to Subway for dinner where the boys did not behave overly well and then home for some tv, bath for the big boys and then bed.. which did NOT go well! They miss their daddy so much! I had Ken call and then when the boys were actually in their room talk him, this made Gavin fall apart to the point where I called my mom to talk to him to calm him down. UUGH Tonight is not going to be much better.
I am mad at myself for not pushing that we postpone the trip until we had a REAL plan about this house thing and mad generally that this was added on top of my cranky kids, my own tiredness and stress…as well as some of the things Ken has forgotten to do before he left have impacted us here at home negatively.
You know we are planning on one more baby next year… it takes 9 months to have a baby and Ken has a wage review before then. We are doing really well – all our bills and debts are caight upm when Ken increased his wage we did not increase our lifestyle beyond buying more groceries at times but increased how much we pay each month on our debt. We REALLY are doing much better… and we are focusing on potty training the twins – our biggest kid related expense… BEFORE the next baby comes whichh would make up the money for that child’s diapers and then some… we have a crib, highchair, carseat, bouncy chair, floor toy, all the big ticket items.. we have out grown clothes from Emanuel – if God willing it is a girl – alot of our infant stuff is neutral and we can get girl things on sale. We have college funds for all 3 kids already running that are RESPs so the government puts money in them each year too. We are putting less in Emanuel’s right now per month but will raise that soon. We are living in this small apartment not because we cannot afford a bigger place but because we cannot FIND one! The original plan was to find a rental for a year closer to the city and then try to buy but we are so many waiting lists and it can be up to a YEAR to find a place!!! So it is not like we are taking food and clothing away from the other three to have a fourth. But you know I think Karyn is right – towards the end of Ken’s time at GWAVA things got VERY tight – we were on our way into a very bad situation but this new job is a huge jump up in pay and chances of advanccement… I am so tired of being told I need to be responcible… We are thinking everything through honest!
Last night was at least quieter… the night before the girl downstairs and some guys were drinking and partying a at 15 to 1 made a ruckus and woke up Emanuel! I was furious. I also heard her talking to her little girl then so that means her little 4 or 5 yr old was still up! Ack! She asked when we were on our way out for a walk if the boys could come over for ice cream cake when we got back but we went out for dinner too and then the boys were naughty so I did not go over there. That and I was so not feeling sociable especially since she smokes alot. At Extra Foods I ran into a mom who has 5 kids! all boys! The oldest is 24 and the youngest 7!! Wow! She did not think it odd we would want one more… actually when I really sit down and think about it alot of people are supportive it is just that you get negatives that stick or I worry what the people who are helping us to get a place will think. Though it is not that we cannot afford the mortgage – it is that the banks do not want to give us one on our own and we are lacking the down payment. I really wanted to do it on our own – we appreciate the help but really did not want to have to depend on family.
I think I just really want to have a plan… something to depend on… Ken has now focused on two different places each time before ensuring we can purchase something like that – the first no one stopped to check and see what our mortgage payments would be – ummm way too high! And the second, he did not first check if his folks could even co-sign on that type of home. I want to stop hearing this is what we are buying and start hearing this is what we COULD buy at THIS price and then search within to confines of that. I think that is why Ken is wearing himself out over it, he is searching everything and everywhere without narrowing down what exactly we CAN buy. Oh well.. if we can improve how we do things and better communicate to all involved alot of the stress should be removed from this situation… right?
I took the boys to the dollar store this morning and then on the way home we stopped at 7-11 and got each of them an orange cream slurpee… Emanuel did rather well keeping the straw in the cup until we were almost home so I put it in one of the straw cups for him and stripped him down to his diaper. The twins are pros already with their straws. We probably could have gotten one to share between them as they did not finish but they were so happy to have their OWN cups. Of course I took pictures. Already by 10 it was 23 cel so I was glad to get everyone back and settled watching some tv.
I am feeling much more confident now that I have gotten the boys out and about.. ok so I had a bit of a cry fighting with all 3 to get them changed, dressed, sunscreened and bug sprayed but we got out and had a blast! Now I just need to make it through the evening and most of tomorrow. Then off to my mom’s. I do want to sit down and make a list of priorities though… I want to learn from these past few months and find a way to destress even in our little apartment.

Soloing it Day 1

So today was our first day without Ken. The boys and I walked down to 7-11 for slurpee, lemonade and milk and then walked over to the lake where we saw the ducks last time – no ducks just swans. The boys were a little dissapointed. When we got home Emanuel was the one who really sat and sipped at the lemonade in his cup.
There was some difficulties with naptime – the twins are ever trying to manipulate staying up later. Even after we agree on the number of shows – after all they can at least count up to 2! But we managed. Everyone was up by 2 ish and Karyn here around 3. We walked down to Midas and picked up the van, came home and relaxed. Karyn and I ordered delivery from BP’s – Ken’s folks want me to twice while Ken is out of country, so I guess Saturday night I will order from East Side or something. I wanted to keep the boys up until 8 but by 7:30 they were just a mess.
Karyn stuck around stamping and playing with cutting until after 9pm. She is planning on coming back tomorrow morning so we can hit the splash park before it gets hot! So Saturday I am really on my own and it is supposed to be 30 cel! ugh so I guess off to 7-11 and maybe a treat at the dollar store and home for the rest of the day and then to mom’s after 6pm on Sunday. I am hoping tomorrow Ken finds the time to call at bedtime, if not I may have to start calling my MN numbers since the boys REALLY miss him! As do I.. but here it is past 10:30 and I have to be up with our early bird. Night!

Last Day Before Ken Leaves…

Well, Ken is off to Minnesota for his holiday tomorrow. Yikes! I am feeling a little more confident but still…
He had to take today off as well… the van was really working up and it would not have been safe to drive to the city. So he went to the bank and got some news… as long as we are looking at a mobile where we do not own the land his folks can NOT co-sign so all this fuss over the place we have been looking at may have been for not. They are going to see if they can get special permission to get them co-signed so we shall see, what we may have to do is wait 3 months and hope prices on "houses houses" go down. I can do this… we are one step closer to a "real home" and that makes me happy!
I did leave the egroup after all. I talked to the owner of the group and just felt that I needed to break off. I realize that may be seen by others in the group as me being overly emotional or some other negative outlook but you know what? I felt attacked, I felt upset and I do not need that right now in my life. Perhaps I have been too open, and maybe not thought things through, maybe my opinions changed due to the information they gave me and that led to me seeming conflicted… but I was true to myself when I wrote and I can be proud of that! Instead I spent much of today looking up egroups of other things I am interested in – my sewing and being a stay at home mom. I did find a couple of nice ones and have already met some nice people. I did go out of my way to find CANADIAN groups… feeling the need to talk to people who are more local and, especially in the case of SAHM’s… people who are knowledgeable of my healthcare and education systems. I feel good about my decision I really do.
Karyn came to visit and brought with her some of her stamping things. We played around and did some really fun things this afternoon. She was at an interview this morning and came here after. Hopefully something positive comes out of it! She so deserves a wonderful job that she is interested in and pays well! She will probably come back later tomorrow which is great since someone needs to drive our van back from the service place. It will be a bit of a walk with the kids but if we both push a stroller should be no problem. Ken already paid for the repairs and everything.
Tonight we had dinner out at the noodle house with Karyn, Sharon and Darryl and of course Emanuel. It was so yummy and Emanuel did rather well for how long we were there. A nice way to spend the evening before Ken leaves while the twins are at mom’s.
The coming 6 days are going to be a challenge. Tomorrow the boys and I will walk to 7-11 for milk and then Karyn will visit, Friday and Saturday all day I am pretty much on my own unless Karyn stays over… and then Sunday mom is coming to get us after 6pm. We will stay there AT LEAST until Tuesday. She has Sunday until the 6th off. The boys are going to have a blast and it will be Emanuel’s first time of staying at her house for a long period of time. I am debating leaving the internet at home and simply reading and playing my DS lite. I will have our cell phone so it will be easy to contact me in case of emergency OR interesting occurance I just HAVE TO know about.
So Emanuel is already asleep, Karyn on her way home and my kitchen covered in craft supplies… once the twins get home I have to finish packing Ken using the clean laundry, clean up and hopefully get some rest. I will feel MUCH better when I know that he has landed safe and sound in Minnesota! Are the boys ever going to miss him though! Especially Gavin wants to do EVERYTHING with Daddy so wish us luck!